They say that caring for a loved one can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences, but for those who know, it can also be incredibly challenging. Sometimes becoming a caregiver happens unexpectedly, and it feels as if we have to pick up another ball to juggle in our lives, but when we stop to understand, we see it through with compassion.
That doesn’t mean that it is always easy. Things pile up, stress kicks in, and all of a sudden, the demands feel like far too much and we lose it. We lose it on everyone, and often on our loved one who doesn’t want to be aging or ill. They don’t want to be a burden on you or others.
Balancing the emotional, physical, and practical demands of caregiving often leads to feelings of frustration, anger, and even resentment. These emotions are natural, but if left unaddressed, they can take a toll on your mental and physical health, as well as your relationship with the person you’re caring for.
First, remember this, you’re not the only one who has yelled or gotten upset with the loved one(s) and you won’t be the last. You are not alone in feeling the way you do.
Here are some strategies to help navigate frustration as a family caregiver and maintain a sense of balance and well-being:
1. Step Away and Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Guilt
One of the first steps in managing emotions is to acknowledge them without judgment, which can be hard when you immediately feel guilty. Feeling frustrated or resentful does not mean you love your family member any less. Caregiving can be exhausting, and it’s normal to have moments of overwhelm.
It’s best to step away into another room. Take some deep breaths, gather yourself, even shed some tears and give yourself permission to feel the feelings. Naming your emotions can help reduce their intensity and provide clarity on what might be causing them.
Also try journaling your feelings or sharing them with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. In a support group, either online or in person, you will quickly learn that you’re not alone.
2. Apologize
Now that you’ve stepped away and collected yourself, it’s time to apologize. Make sure that your loved one understands that you didn’t mean to yell or get angry but that you’re frustrated and feeling overwhelmed. Allow them to be part of this process with you. They may give you space in between responsibilities. More importantly, they will understand not to take you for granted and be a little bit more understanding of everything on your plate. The most important thing is to reassure them that you love them and will always be someone they can count on.
Patience is a requirement as a family caregiver, and because you’re family, that dynamic can come into play. Whatever your relationship with a loved one is before you became a caregiver, it can be amplified in this process. Acknowledge, except and expect to help you be more patient.
Set Realistic Expectations
It’s important to recognize that you can’t do everything perfectly, and you shouldn’t expect yourself to. No one should. Just as in parenting, caregiving is something you just show up and attempt to do your best today. Understand your own limits and focus on what’s most important. What are your priorities today? Just today.
Freeing yourself from irrational expectations can release you from feelings of guilt or overwhelm that will only bring more stress. Learn to let go and know that you have the most important things covered today. Just today. Rinse and repeat.
4. Practice Self-Care
It can feel selfish to prioritize your own needs, but self-care is essential for your well-being and ability to provide care. If you don’t make space for yourself, who will? If you become sick, who will your loved one rely on if others are not nearby?
Make time for activities that recharge you, whether it’s exercising, reading, meditating, bathing, or spending time with friends. Even short moments of self-care can have a significant impact on your mood and energy levels.
Setting boundaries—such as scheduling regular breaks or saying no to tasks beyond your capacity—can also prevent burnout and reduce feelings of frustration.
3. Seek Support
The one thing so many of us do poorly is…ask for help.
Caregiving doesn’t have to be a solo endeavor, even if you’re the only family caregiver. Reach out to family members from afar, friends, neighbors, your community (i.e. church) and ask for assistance with something for you.
Even small tasks, like having someone run an errand, do school pickup or prepare a meal, can lighten your load. If you’re struggling to find support, consider joining a caregiver support group, either in person or online. These communities can provide understanding, advice, and a safe space to vent.
If you’re able, you may even consider hiring a professional caregiver for a few hours to a few days a week to allow you to simply catch up and catch a breath.
5. Communicate Openly
Our anger and frustration can come from many places such as resentment but also the fear of losing a loved one. The latter may be buried deep inside but it is there simmering. Clearly communicating with your loved one and other family members can reduce misunderstandings and resentment.
After all, we all want to be heard, seen, acknowledged and to feel as if we matter. Share your feelings and needs honestly but also listen to theirs. This mutual understanding can strengthen your relationship and help you find solutions to challenges together.
6. Reframe Your Perspective
When frustration and anger arise, it can be incredibly difficult but take a deep breath and try to shift your perspective. And if it doesn’t happen in that moment, then review # 1 and # 2 above. Clearly identify what you’re feeling and then, instead of focusing on what feels burdensome, remind yourself of the reasons you chose to be a caregiver. Reflect on the meaningful moments and the difference you’re making in your loved one’s life. The moments together and precious memories that you will always be grateful to have.
Gratitude journaling can also help you focus on positive aspects of your caregiving journey.
7. Seek Professional Help When Needed
If anger, frustration, or resentment become overwhelming or interfere more and more with your daily life, consider seeking professional help. Therapists or counselors who specialize in caregiving or family dynamics can provide strategies and support tailored to your situation with exercises like mindfulness to keep you in the moments with your loved one with more patience or learning to give yourself and practice grace.
Remember, you are also, somewhere inside, preparing for the eventuality of your loved one’s life which can cause us to reevaluate our lives as well. It can be hard to process alone.
8. Plan for the Long Term
Having a long-term plan can help alleviate feelings of helplessness and resentment as they release you from the feeling that this is all your life will become. Discuss options with your family, or trusted advisor, about respite care, home health aides, or financial planning for future needs. Knowing that you have a strategy in place can offer a “finish line”, greatly reduce stress and provide peace of mind.
Final Thoughts
Being a caregiver is a demanding role that requires immense patience, compassion, and resilience. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and it’s okay to seek help. In fact, it is entirely normal as many people in your shoes feel the same and seek help from friends, family, support groups or therapy.
By acknowledging your emotions, taking a breath for perspective, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care, you can navigate the challenges of caregiving while preserving your own well-being. Remember, taking care of yourself is not just beneficial for you—it’s essential for providing the best care for your loved one.
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